How to raise a confident child who is also empathetic is a question that many of us – parents – ask ourselves all the time. Confidence serves as the foundation for children to try new things, build healthy relationships, overcome obstacles, and ultimately believe in themselves. Meanwhile, empathy connects them meaningfully to others and fosters emotional intelligence.
Finding the sweet spot where self-assurance meets compassion is essential – where children can stand tall in their own abilities while remaining sensitive to the needs and feelings of those around them.
To illuminate this important parenting journey, we’ve gathered insights from 9 child development experts who share their most valuable guidance and tips on nurturing children who are both self-assured and kindhearted. Their collective wisdom offers practical approaches for parents seeking to raise children who not only believe in themselves but also understand and care about others.
Within these diverse tips, all parents are guaranteed to find a piece of advice that could work with their child, regardless of their parenting style.
So, here is what 9 parenting and childhood experts have to say on how to raise a confident, yet compassionate child:
1. Praise Process Over Perfection to Build Confidence
Dr. Abigail Wilson, Educational and Child Psychologist, Founder of Balloon Educational Psychology:
Raising confident yet empathetic children starts with how we model self-worth and compassion in everyday interactions. As a psychologist, I encourage parents to validate effort over outcome – praising resilience, curiosity, and problem-solving rather than perfection. Confidence grows when children feel safe to take risks and know mistakes are part of learning. Equally important is cultivating empathy by helping children name emotions (their own and others’) and offering language like, “How do you think they felt?” or “What might help them right now?” A secure, attuned adult presence – one that celebrates individuality while gently guiding social awareness – is the foundation for both self-belief and kindness.
2. True Confidence Grows Through Struggle and Support
Dr. Sam Zand, CEO/Founder of Anywhere Clinic:
Confidence in children isn’t built through constant praise – it’s built through safe experiences of struggle, repair, and being seen. As a psychiatrist and educator, I’ve found that the most confident children are those who feel emotionally safe, not just externally successful. Give your child space to try, fail, and try again – with you as a steady, nonjudgmental presence. Narrate their efforts, not just their outcomes: “You worked hard on that,” instead of “You’re so smart.” Teach emotional literacy early by naming feelings and modeling empathy. And above all, validate their worth regardless of performance. When children know they are loved without condition, they grow not just confident – but compassionate.
3. Build Self-Efficacy: Six Strategies for Lasting Confidence
Dr. Rebecca Lesser Allen, Clinical Psychologist and Owner of Dr. Rebecca Lesser Allen practice:
When we talk about raising confident kids, many people confuse self-esteem with self-efficacy, but understanding the distinction is key.
Self-esteem is how positively a child views themselves overall. Self-efficacy, on the other hand, is a child’s belief in their ability to take on challenges, solve problems, and recover from setbacks. While both are important, it’s self-efficacy that truly builds lasting confidence. A kid who believes they can face difficulties and overcome them is more likely to persevere, grow from mistakes, and take healthy risks, which are all critical components of confidence.
So, how can we cultivate self-efficacy and raise kids who are confident, independent, and capable? Here are six practical, research-informed strategies:
1. Let Kids Experience Natural Consequences
Rather than rescuing kids from every discomfort, allow them to face the natural outcomes of their choices when it’s safe to do so.
2. Model Respect and Empathy
Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. Share your own feelings, acknowledge other people’s perspectives, and approach discipline with respect. When kids feel seen and heard, they internalize empathy and respect for others.
3. Make Room for Frustration
Don’t rush to fix every problem. Instead, sit with your child’s hard emotions. Validating their feelings without trying to erase them teaches emotional endurance and helps them develop coping skills.
4. Turn Mistakes Into Teaching Moments
Rather than reacting with punishment, guide your child through reflection. What went wrong? How did it affect others? What could be done differently next time? These conversations help kids grow in emotional intelligence and resilience.
5. Assign Age-Appropriate Responsibilities
Giving kids meaningful roles around the house and community builds a sense of purpose and competence. Encourage them to help, contribute, and follow through – traits that foster confidence and a strong work ethic.
6. Teach Emotional Literacy
Kids who can identify and express their emotions are better equipped to manage relationships and handle stress. Use everyday situations to name feelings and ask reflective questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “How do you think they felt?”
True confidence isn’t about avoiding failure, it’s about believing you can survive it. By helping our children build self-efficacy, we equip them with the emotional and practical tools they need to navigate life with courage and connection.
4. Validate Feelings While Encouraging Brave New Steps
Kelsey Feldman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at The Garden Child and Family Therapy Center:
Confidence grows when children feel both seen and supported exactly as they are. One of the most powerful things a parent can do is to validate their child’s feelings while encouraging brave behavior. Let your child take small, age-appropriate risks – like ordering their own food or introducing themselves to a new friend – and praise the effort, not just the outcome. At the same time, model empathy by naming your own feelings and showing care for others: “I noticed your friend looked sad – what do you think might help?” Confident kids don’t come from perfection, but from knowing they are loved, capable, and connected.
5. Model Resilience and Empathy Through Everyday Actions
Jen Murphy, Family Coach at Altitude Family Coaching:
The more parents model resilience, perseverance, empathy, adaptability, and self-compassion, the more we will shape our children’s confidence and nurture their capacity of empathy. Pivoting with grace is one of my favorite expressions and the idea of showing our children that we can handle set backs by regrouping and resetting with grace is key. Additionally, taking notice and using affirmations that connect perseverance to self-belief like, “You worked hard to figure that out, even when it got tricky. That’s how confidence grows.” Lastly, modeling empathy in real time, by taking notice to those who may need our empathy or verbalizing curiosity and asking open ended questions that allow your children to take notice of others as well.
6. Show Children the Full Journey Through Challenges
Michelle Hu, Audiologist, Speaker, Author, Creator, Advocate, and Owner of Mama Hu Hears
Allow them to see you (their heroes) struggle, work through breakdowns and triumph. Children need to see that being uncomfortable is part of life, that it’s okay and it’s a situation that requires a journey to go through. More times than not they see the struggle and the triumph – but never the journey.
7. Develop Grit Through Effort, Not Natural Talent
Tim McCarthy, Author of Raising 4 Dimensional Children in a 2 Dimensional World at 4D-2D.com:
Develop a Growth Mindset. As your child grows, switch your compliments away from praising talents (“You’re so smart!”) into praising effort (“Good job!”) because your child can control his/her effort but not the result. Help your child develop grit by learning to overcome challenges and persevere when faced with failure. Teach by example that ability is not solely inborn, but can be learned and developed with effort. Instill the attitude that when he tries, sometimes he will fail, but failure isn’t a judgment on him as a person; it is merely a step on the path to success. Don’t be a helicopter parent who is always hovering above, ready to swoop down and solve any problem for the child. Instead, stay back and let your child try to figure out the solution. If she has trouble, don’t offer the solution, but offer hints as to how to find the solution if you want your child to be able to solve problems later in life when you are not around.
8. Play Builds Essential Life Skills Beyond Fun
Cynthia Dvorak, Founder of the Screen Less Play More Podcast:
What do kids learn when they play? Play teaches children confidence, empowerment, and self-regulation. Whether it be in a sandbox, a mud pit, a rope swing, or a garden, play teaches empathy, coordination, and conflict resolution. Play improves sensory development, resilience, problem solving, and much more.
Play teaches children how to eventually become adults. Adults are constantly assessing the risk surrounding them, whether it be a dangerous highway, a slippery sidewalk, a toxic relationship, or an angry boss. Children need the opportunity to encounter challenging situations in order to learn how to assess risk and navigate it safely.
Through play with peers, children gain the experience to navigate if the tree is safe to climb, if rocks are appropriate to throw, and if they need to assert themselves in an unfair relationship.
Kids learn when they play how to navigate harsh words, hurt feelings, and angry outbursts. They get practice finding their voice, standing up for their rights, and exiting a situation when it is not comfortable or safe.
Play is not just for fun, it prepares children for relationships, situations, and, moreover, their future experience in school. Teachers are not looking for readers and counters, they are looking for kids who have a sense of autonomy and identity. This is what helps children thrive in school, relationships, and life. And all this through the fun of play!
9. Name Feelings, Celebrate Effort for Confident Kids
Kendall Boone, Owner of TinyOnesTreasures:
Confidence and empathy grow when children feel safe, heard, and supported. In our home, we practice something simple but powerful: we name feelings and celebrate effort. When my child struggles, I say things like “That looked tough, but I saw how hard you tried” – this builds internal confidence not tied to results. At the same time, we model empathy by acknowledging others’ emotions out loud. For example: “Your friend was sad when they dropped their toy – how do you think we could help?” Confidence grows when kids feel capable; empathy grows when they learn to notice and care. Small, daily conversations make a big impact.
Final Thoughts
The path to raising a confident child who is also empathetic and compassionate is a nuanced journey that unfolds differently for every family. As our experts have shown, this powerful combination of characteristics doesn’t develop by chance – instead, it has to be carefully and deliberately cultivated through intentional parenting that values both achievement and connection.
While experts have different approaches to this topic, the consistent theme emerging from their perspectives emphasizes 1) Creating safe spaces for children to express themselves, 2) Acknowledging their feelings while teaching them to recognize others’ emotions, 3) Celebrating effort over outcome, and 4) Modeling both confidence and compassion in our own lives.
By weaving these approaches into our daily interactions, we help our children develop the inner strength to pursue their goals while maintaining the emotional awareness to care for others along the way. Remember that the small moments – listening attentively when they speak, showing kindness to strangers in their presence, and encouraging them to persist through challenges while considering others – leave the most lasting impressions on children learning to balance confidence with empathy. In this balance, we prepare them not just for personal success, but for meaningful contributions to their communities and the world.
What are your thoughts? What strategies are you applying in your parenting philosophy to teach your child both confidence and compassion? How are things working out for you? Please share your experiences in the comments below as I am sure that parents are eager to learn others to improve their own methods.
